THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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