grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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