How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
