So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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