so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
