You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Randomize
