you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
