Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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