I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
