I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
