Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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