I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
