doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so let's talk penis.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
