It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
