what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
