Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
