i don't really know how much tequila is too much
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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