After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She announced her abortion via fbk
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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