I like my sex mixed with concussions.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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