you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
