Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
