I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
