can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
