I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
