So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize