my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
