I want to make a zoo with you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is the high leading the old right now
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
