I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
