thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
