He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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