Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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