my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
