Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
