dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
as a side note pls kill me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
