I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
