her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
