Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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