I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you traded sex for a burrito?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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