I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
