Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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