White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
