He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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