no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
