lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
