You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
