Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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