You made me cry and you don't even care
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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