Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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