I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize