there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
