I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
