I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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