I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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