I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
