we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
