do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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