Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i think i have herpe
just one?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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