Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
