SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
