So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
