just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
