And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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