Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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