when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
