Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
