The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
