I would go down on you faster than GM stock
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
