things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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