Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
