remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize