Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
