You're my little dorito
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
