Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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