Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You ruined the universe
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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