I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
