your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
