he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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