STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
