that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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