i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
