It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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