Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
