Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
