We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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