I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
