fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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