Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
