Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
