as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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