I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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