nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize