My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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