last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
