Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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