miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize