I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Randomize
