Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
